Expats of the United Arab Emirates

By Ruqyah Sweidan

On a Saturday afternoon, my mother is wearing a long blue and white dress. Her soft cotton scarf is loosely wrapped around her head and resting on her shoulders. She is smiling widely, pitching “Salam Aleikum!” as her next guest (and dear friend) comes through our front door. She, along with her close friends and their families, are my subject of ethnographic observation. My main research inquiry is to understand how communities in the United Arab Emirates treat their guests.

Throughout my time observing these women and their children, I employed some of the most common and efficient methods of watching as well as interaction among the individuals of my group. However, this is no ordinary, amateur “sit and watch technique”. I have lived among them my entire life. These women have all become like mothers to me, and their children are some of my dearest friends. I have spent years sitting with and engaging in conversation with them. Because of this, I feel that I can compose this observation accurately. I can recall numerous communal gatherings with many women in my culture that were held in homes, malls, and parks. These women were diverse. Some women have lived in the same town, but others reminisce on their beginning years living in the United Arab Emirates (UAE),  and all the relationships they have made: mutual, current and past, familial and friendly. This sense of community is why the gatherings are quite large, regular, and lively. These characteristics provide plentiful data and anecdotes, which answer my broad research question.

These women gather often, but the most recent gathering I observed was a lunch meeting at one woman’s house. The stylishly dressed host was British, married to an Emirati. This means she is eligible for citizenship, owned her house, and had maids and cooks to help throughout the event. The hostess could also sit and attend her guests without having to go back and forth into the kitchen to cook and serve. However, she was still walking around, managing the household to make sure they were doing their jobs. The staff used a lot if Arabic terms when speaking. Words like “al hamdulillah” (thanks to God) and “mashallah!” (praise God) when talking about their good health or describing their lovely children, who play so well together were often heard. The energetic children were dressed in casual clothes with super hero characters on them. They loved spending time together and had a strong relationship, which increased the closeness between their mothers. While the children bonded through play, the mothers bonded through conversation. Topics included school, their husbands, and different places; restaurants, schools and newly opened salons. The children run around, play with one another, and speak in both Arabic and English. Each woman has at least four kids, each with Arabic names. Despite the Western context, the names of the children are pronounced perfectly. The shouts of the children could often be heard upstairs. When the play became too loud, the mothers would have some of their older children go up and tell them to be quiet. They then returned to the conversation, and there is further laughing and enjoyment of company.

Another topic of high interest is that of shopping. Of particular interest are products and services from their native countries, including food, skin treatments, vitamins, recipes, and good health-care providers. Like all women (and mothers), they value their health, the well-being of their children, and their beauty. While they conversed, the women ate on plush, brightly colored cushions on the floor, a custom in Emirati festive culture. They enjoyed lots of rice and meat dishes, along with salads, pastas, and other dishes native to their home cultures. This brings me to my next observation about the Emirati influence. Arabs often stay out way later at night, since the climate often includes hot and humid days. Tonight was one such night, and some of the women also drank much more tea than they would have usually. It was expressed to me that being away from family at times is difficult. Whenever one of these women cannot be with their loved one, they express their frustrations and sadness with each other, and comfort one another. Their meetings happen in stages. They start and continue that with a lot of conversation over lunch, they relax in the parlor with tea and sweets. Soon after, they are very relaxed, leaning back into the sofas, and talking slower. Their children come out, announce that they are tired, and their mothers console them in their laps, and tell them “ten more minutes”, and hold them while they rest. Afterward, they take their time in saying goodbyes, arranging their next meeting, and promises of speaking again very soon, pack up their children into their cars, and leave.

Ayla Smith was both the daughter of an expat and has grown and become one herself. “I have been an expat twice.” She first lived here from when she was five years old and until she turned nineteen, and then again since she was 25 to present time. She was an expat in the first instance because her father was working in the UAE and he could not find a better job in the States that provided her family the same quality of living. Later in life, she became an expat for a similar reason. She eventually was able to save and pay off her student debt by working as a teacher. These are all pretty much the same reasons all the other individuals in my group are here. This point provides me with one of my answers to my study: it is the opportunity, need, and faiths of these women that motivated them to move to America, and their commonalities inspired the formation of this subculture. Throughout a series of interviews with six of these women, I learned both positive and negative impacts created by living in the UAE. Ms. Roze described the climate as follows:

“Socially, the locals are an enigma to me. They are seen and not heard in public, they are quiet, posed, dignified, do not shout or make exhibitions of themselves, no overt drama, its amazing, it’s honorable and beautiful. You feel safe around them almost in awe of them. They always look pristine (both men and women) and they smell beautiful leaving a trail of gorgeous aromas behind them. They are among the most generous people you can ever meet. I have learned to not compliment a woman’s jewelry or perfume because I know she will hand it over to me. It is a generosity I have seldom encountered. In their homes they are hospitable and kind to the point I know I can only try to emulate. I have not experienced this in any of the cultures I have lived amongst.”

I asked one woman, Cassandra Hart, about her social experiences, and she replied with another useful anecdote.

“Ones that stick out are the visiting and social. In-laws living together or close which thankfully I live on my own. Covering up is a big difference... and being married to an Emirati I have to anyways even if I don't really want to. I would be fine with my hair out. Although I am not forced to I feel I should but I often resent it. Double standards really bother me... like it's ok for a man to drive around with music and his car window down but if a woman does she's a bad person or slutty but I don't care I do it anyways. They can do so much more than women here. You can't interact with men openly. I also find people here very fake and pretend like they have lots of money when they don't. People here spend money on un necessary things they can't really afford. I mean even policemen have high end cars here. The women are overly competitive and jealous of one another which is not the case back home in Canada. Everything social, here is centered around food and coffee and tea so I find it hard to live a healthy lifestyle.”

A quote from Carrie Smith eloquently expressed her feelings toward the word itself, “expat”, which is the main key word in this research. She told me,

“I've only heard "expat" used by western expats to refer to themselves, never by locals or eastern expats, so it's never felt like an identity imposed on me. And the way it's used by said western expats it has a high status feel to it. Now what I've heard a local use (who employed me) is "temporary guest worker" and that doesn’t feel quite so high status, even with inclusion of the word guest. Yanni we're just workers here after all, it's not our country, we can be sent home anytime. Anyway, that's the reality, so temp guest worker is the most accurate descriptor I’ve heard. Then there's the Arabic term "Ajnabi". That's got to be the worst. Doesn’t it translate to "foreigner", or more literally "stranger"? Terrible. When I’m around Arabs, that's what's applied to me, my sound, my looks (even in abaya and Sheila). As familiar as I get to them, I’m always going to be Ajnabiyya. Like there’s a wall in the language u can never get around. It's not much better to be referred to or have to refer to myself as "from America". I never used the term before coming here because its use equates America with only the united states of America, which leaves out all the rest of actual America, meaning, functionally, that people from Canada, Mexico, and central/south America cannot rightly refer to themselves as "from America" without specifying north or south or central/Latin. So, I always used "from US" but people here say "oh, America!" (like in an impressed tone of voice...well at least prior to the last election) My kids seem to be not really sure where they fit. My young son told his teacher he's "from UAE" because he was born here... he doesn't get it. My elder son says he hears the word "Waafid" (expat) and can definitely sense bias towards locals here at all levels: school, sports, work opportunities, etc. that's just how it is. It's not our country, we shouldn't build up aspirations here, but for the time being ma sha Allah it's a great place to live. The kids have dual citizenship so, after expat, they're still not sure where they fit in more, and that's a much bigger issue for them than being expat.”

Her words led me to made me follow up on more issues that expats face. One of my principal interviewees, my mother, provided me on her raw insight. She spoke to me as a scientist being to informed, not a daughter beingto protected from any troubling news news that would trouble me. She testified to the following:

“I moved to UAE because we thought it was the best thing for our family. It was after 9/11 and we were beginning to find it difficult to be Muslim in the US. Also we wanted to support our children in their Islamic identity. We also moved as it was better financially for us as we live tax free and back then had all our expenses paid for as well as a salary. Things are not as easy to do here. Mainly because of the language and cultural barriers. For instance, something is broken in the US, the chances that you get a person qualified to fix something is way higher than here. Then on top of that is the language barrier. Because not only may they not speak English or Arabic as well. Also, they may not be able to read or write in even their own language, so to get someone else to write what you want may not work at all. Another big difference is the pace at which things happen is not at all like the US much slower, and there seems to be no consequence for that. Also in the US, you can smile at people and it is common to say hi and smile as you pass somewhere.  Here it is not as common and can gain unwanted attention from men who are from cultures that normally are separate from women. 

The work ethic is different here as well. Like I mentioned before, the pace is slower but also people here do not seem to value hard work. They hire maids, drivers, cooks and laborers at very inexpensive prices. [While the US creates more challenging lifestyle to emulate]. So, when I go to the Mall in the middle of the day, it is full of men just sitting in cafes drinking coffee. Moreover, when I feel homesick I try to watch TV from the US, skype with family, or cook foods that I am familiar with.  Also, my community if friends become very important. They understand where you are coming from and we step in for each other where our families would have. We are still really lucky to live in the UAE it's wealth makes it easy to live here and find different things that you might miss from home. The biggest thing is the difference in the cost of living. Citizens of the UAE pay for things like electricity at a different rate then expats. This is for everything from food, schools to government services. So, in a way we really do not live tax free You have to be aware that you are a guest here and that getting kicked out or jail time can be a reality.  So maybe a little more vigilant of my family’s behavior as due process is not the same as it is in the States. The things I think my kids have commented on the most is how other kids act.  How "misbehaved" the kids are in school or on the playground. Maybe it’s because in the West, our kids don't get to be kids as long as other cultures.  The other reason is the lack of work ethic especially as a lot of families have maids raising their kids My Day is the same here as it would be in the US except it starts later and ends later.  Due to the heat, more things are available at night.” ¹

To sum up, the research I conducted fulfilled my curiosity about how the country I grew up in and loved very much treated its guests. Interviews were the main method used in this research, because participant observation would require travelling to the UAE. I gathered sufficient data to form the foundations of much broader answers that would require more than just one semester’s worth of gradual conception. I learned that spatial location, the environment that impacts our bodies and minds (Delaney, 2011), cultural, religious, and social issues and advantages all play a role in not only these women’s cultures, but also their lives and their feelings. I believe these most important and affected recipients of the circumstances of life in the United Arab Emirates.

Bibliography

Delaney, Carol Lowery, and Deborah D. Kaspin. Investigating culture an experiential introduction to anthropology. Chichester, West Sussex (UK): Wiley-Blackwell, 2011. Print.

¹ This testimony, and is anonymous. This is for her privacy and security.