Observations at the Boulder County Jail

By Elizabeth Graf

     I chose to sit at the very back of the lobby at the Boulder County Jail to observe the environment before a hearing on September 22, 2020. I sat out of the way of anyone who might walk into the room, but I could still fully see what was going on. I had entered another culture that from the outside seemed intimidating, lonely, and fearful. Yet, while sitting there I watch bailiffs and other employees enter and exit the building as though the room was not cold and uncomfortable. The lobby should have felt open and available because of the newly renovated doors, windows, floors, and even the cream-colored walls that had a new paint smell. However, mixed with the lights, there was a yellow undertone making the room feel hazy and uncomfortable. During my observation in the County Jail lobby, I observed the dynamics of five individual defendants, a lawyer, and the interactions between a mother, father, and their son, a defendant. All the defendants were white males about the same age, no older than 25 and no younger than 18. It seemed that all the visitors shared a common experience of being severely uncomfortable, highly-emotionally drained, and probably very scared in that moment.

     The family dynamic was clearly visible between one of the defendants and his parents/guardians who sat on either side of him during their time in the lobby. The defendant interacted mostly with his father, engaging with his mother only when she asked him a direct question. At one point, the son had gotten up to use the restroom and the father turned to the mother and stated, “He is probably going to go to throw up. I feel like I'm going to throw up. If I was him, I'd be in there throwing up right now.” Even though the father opened up about how he felt, when their son returned, both parents return to a calm demeanor. I was surprised that both parents were able to reel in their personal emotions over the situation in order to show their son, he had their support unweighted by concern or judgement of their emotions. As the observer, I couldn’t imagine what the parents must have felt, having to watch their son go through such an intense life experience.

     Over on my right was the only lawyer in the lobby, and she commanded the space with her energy. She was loud, she never sat, and her stance was very authoritative, almost masculine. She was on her phone, making calls most of the time. Her client could not have been older than 25, but his frightened demeanor made him look older. It seemed he was closed off to the point where he had detached himself emotionally and mentally from his physical body. It was obvious his primal functions had kicked in and he was operating in flight or fight mode. The dynamics between the lawyer and the defendant were very strange. The lawyer could see how scared her client was, but it was as if she lacked the empathy to meet his emotional needs. However, his mother did attempt to connect to him by leaning in, speaking softly, and gently touching his knee with her fingertips to get his attention. It seemed she was trying to get him back into his body to be able to interact with the lawyer. Despite his mother's attempts, he still appeared terrified.

     All the defendants sat a certain way, both feet on the ground and their knees locked at a 90-degree angle. They even kept their necks straight, and they did not look around at the room. They did not make eye contact with anyone unless they needed to engage with someone. Though the defendants processed their emotions in different ways, they all seemed uncomfortable in their own bodies. Besides two of the defendants, who came with their parents and lawyer, the rest came alone. When it was time for them to enter the hearing, each stood similarly with their backs straight and their eyes forward. When they got into the line to go through the metal detectors, they only spoke to the officer there when he spoke to them; all of them ended every phase with, “Yes, sir,” or “No, sir.” I found it interesting how militaristic they all acted. Despite the policy officer's jovial demeanor and sing-song way of inviting them in, it was like they had conformed to society’s expectations of how a defendant should act. I was also surprised by how they cut off their emotions and pushed them down inside of themselves.

     In the end, I learned a lot about the dynamics of the Boulder County Jail lobby during COVID-19 and by simply watching the people who walked in and out of the door. When it comes down to it, compassion and humility is what makes us human. My hope is that all the defendants I witnessed that day do receive the emotional, mental, rehabilitation support and resources they need.